Go mbeannai Dia duit.

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Quaker by conviction, mother by default, Celticst through love, Christ follower because I once was lost but now am found...

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

One cowardly Christian running.

As for man, his days are like grass; As a flower of the field, so he flourishes. When the wind has passed over it, it is no more; And its place acknowledges it no longer. Psalm 103

The island is a small community, even now when we have a supermarket, an in ground pool, a police station ~ things the rest of the world takes pretty much for granted but are new for us. You might not know all the names of the people you see but you will know the faces, especially if the face belongs to someone who is something of a public figure. When you've been part of the same community for as long as we have you know people. You know their stories & something of their past. No man lives to themselves alone ~ not in a small community.

People do not die in decent obscurity in a small community. They leave a gaping wound when they go. Death is an outrage. So it is. It was never meant to be & our whole being revolts against it.

I'm getting to that age in life where death is an inescapable part of life. I no longer have living grandparents. My father has died & one of my brothers. My favourite aunt. I've attended more funerals than I care to & delivered eulogies. I've wept with the bereaved & grieved for the grief stricken. Turn it any way you like dealing with death is never easy but there is one thing I just have never been able to come to terms with. Quite simply I can not cope with the comforting lies people tell themselves in the face of death.

Funnily enough I can cope with straightforward atheism. That actually makes sense to me. Thinking some of the funny things I've heard people say gives me the creeps. I don't want the departed *looking down* from wherever, or *watching over* me. I just don't. Dead is dead. Gone. As in not here. They aren't coming back. It is appointed unto man to die but once, & then the judgement. No reincarnation ~ thank God!

I do not like attending non~believer's funerals. I need a sign saying: Caution. Woman behaving badly. Seriously. All signs of civilised humanity tend to depart when I hear some of the nonsense people sprook at funerals. It's all I can do to hold my tongue. If there was ever a time for truth surely it is in the face of our inevitable end.

Now I am in a quandary. There has been a death. Someone the kids have known forever. The boys have worked with him, partied at his house, know his wife. He was only a bit older than Dearest & I; still relatively young. I do not want to go to this funeral. I know the kids will want to. I do not want to listen to comforting lies. Especially when I think of where he may be now. It makes me angry. It makes me grieve. I do not know how to reach these people with the truth & the light that Christ brings. I do not know what to say. I shouldn't but I think I'm going to woos out on this one. I think it is better that way. I am not enough like Christ to speak the truth with love.

See how she runs...


The HoJo's said...

Ah that is a toughie, things not to be said at a funeral indeed. That must be a long list


Constance said...

Good morning sweet lady,
Likewise, I have been to non-Believers funerals where you just wish it would be over with. I have been to Believer's funerals and the difference is overwhelming. Yes, there is sadness but HOPE permeates the very air we breathe! Recently my ex Father in Law passed away and my daughter Jessica went to the funeral. It bothered her b/c there was a lot of that same "funeral speak" going on! It made her more determined than ever that she needs to be a light in the darkness in her own family. THAT is her mission field!

I have chosen to privatize my blog at least for a while due to Dave's brother and his wife. They have created a LOT of drama within our family for years and I have finally had my fill. I have been working towards lessening contact with them since last Fall because they are horrible people!

Dave's dad is in fragile health and they have done some things recently that are despicable! The less they know about what is going on in our lives, the better. At least then it can't be twisted and used against us.

I told Dave that the ONLY reason I have a "working relationship" with these 2 is b/c of Dave and his brother. Were it up to me, they are the kind of people that I wouldn't have a relationship with at all. Our personalities clash way too much!

Maybe 6 months down the road, I might make it open again once they've realized they don't have access to me or information on our family. Sad isn't it? Family behaving this way!


Molytail said...

You're not 'running'. I've only been to two funerals in my life and I'd just as soon never go to another.

If the kids want to go, they're pretty much old enough to go themselves ~ well, maybe not Ditz, not alone anyway, but if she went with the olders..?

Sandra said...

I don't think you need to go. The relationship was with the kids, let them go.

seekingmyLord said...

I think we have had this aired out before after my mother's funeral in January.

Funerals, to me, are a huge waste of money. Some feel they give closure, but they just seem to add fuel to the fire in many cases. For if ever there is a time when people say and do the the most unbelievable things that will be remembered for the rest of one's life, it is at a funeral. There is not only grief, but the fear of death itself that seems to contribute to the things one witnesses.

I will not advise. I am probably too biased on the subject, but I will pray that whatever you do, you will have peace.

Anonymous said...

Hi Ganeida,
Our children have been to both Christian and non-Christian funerals, and the difference being that at a Christian funeral, there is hope, while at the non-Christian funeral, everything is futile.

I hate non-Christian funerals with a vengeance - I probably shouldn't, but should use the time to witness to the non-Christians there, too.


Ganeida said...

Hojos: it is a toughie...

Constance: the difference is as vast as heaven & hell & I do not have the means to bridge the gap...

Moly: discretion is the name of the game.

Seeking: don't think we need to rehash, no.

Sandra: lol You are brave given where we each stand but your advice is sensible & I appreciate it.

Jillian: Um, yeah. Hate 'em, hate 'em.

Unknown said...

I never cared for funerals either Ganeida. I tend to avoid them if I can. My step-dad's funeral though was less like a funeral and more like a chance for us to all talk about our memories of him and make ourselves feel a little better. I will not have people gathered around crying over me when I'm gone I've already told hubby that.

Deborah said...

If he was clearly NOT a christian, simply decline and quietly don't go.

Let the dead, bury the dead.

Having said that - here is what I think: I think that it is the perfect place to evangelize. If you are equipped to speak boldly - perhaps God will grant you a voice for the season, to speak the truth.

I too cannot do funerals of known rejectors of God and His Son.

Linda said...

I came to your blog from "Your Sacred Calling", I have 5 children and live in Australia as well, in Victoria.

I also believe like you that I don't want people who are dead looking down on me, and that they are gone.