To live in this world you must be able to do three things: to love what is mortal; to hold it against your bones knowing your own life depends on it; and, when the time comes to let it go, to let it go. Mary Oliver
Life gets too much at times, out of control & spinning wildly. Maybe it's just me. I don't cope so well when things start piling up. I'm a one thing at a time person. When I try juggling I drop things. Now I am grabbing at this month just trying to stay sane.
This month is so out of control poor old Ditz has to wait on her birthday present because we have so much on & it all takes money. Ditz isn't fazed about waiting on her present. Ditz, like me, is far more worried about us having to find our way right across town on Saturday. I asked Liddy to drive. Between Lid & I we do better but Liddy now has to work so it is down to Ditz & I. We are such right brainers we need a left brained Liddy when it comes to maps. Ditz will say right & mean left & I will turn right when I need to go left because it all looks the same to me on a map! Useless!
I thought this weekend was free but it's not. I am already a cot case though Dearest has promised to work out a route for me using the refedex & I will write everything out for Ditz ~ how many street lights before we turn, how many round~a~bouts, the names of the streets etc Yes, I know. It's too sad but at least that way we have some chance of negotiating Brisbane. It is such a maze & all the music places seem to be in impossible to get to places. We won't even go into what I am going to be able to find to do for close on 8 hours!
The following weekend is the MBC concert ~ but we at least know we can find our way there! OK, I still have to be there all day but I've put my hand up to help out so that works ~ only Liddy has opted to come & she hasn't offered, though she probably will now. Oh well.
If it was either or I would be fine but not only do we have both followed by something else but none of our regular stuff stops either. Plus this is the term Ditz does The Dream; she is Demetrius. Normally when I start getting frazzled I cut the drama back but as I actually want Ditz to do the Shakespeare I'm stuck with it. I don't think doing his plays is making Ditz like him any better but she at least is getting an understanding of Elizabethan English, & Shakespeare's world & I don't have to fight with her about it. She chooses to do this & I just let her rip. At one point I entertained the idea of auditioning for a small part but I thought better of it. I seriously don't need the stress. I have enough to do without memorising antiquated English verse. Yes, I do, & frankly Ditz finds memorising him easier than I do. She just memorises ~ which is probably smart. I like him to make sense so I analyze & start sidetracking & sometimes I derail completely. Derailing is not a good option at present. Focus is what I need.
It is true that only one thing at a time will happen but somehow I have to keep the whole in mind & be well planned ahead because I have to allow for all the extra expenses ~ boats & theatre tickets, exam costs [due this week when the exam isn't till November & I'm betting that's not the entire cost because there a little thing known as an accompanist who has to be paid as well], parking spaces in town, petrol & food. Singing makes Ditz ravenous & no matter how much I pack it is never enough. In this process not only do I have to get all Ditz's uniforms through the wash & dry, they must be ironed, & not only ironed but starched!!! I am a woman who irons nothing under ordinary circumstances. Yes, Ditz will do her own ironing & starching & she is very good about keeping her music things all organized ~ make~up kit, deodorant, spare hair ribbons & elastics, the right music easily accessible, hair brush, dress shoes clean & polished, cat hairs removed from her black dress pants ~ Just the same I keep a mental tab because once we are on that boat it's just too bad if she has forgotten anything! Ditto for me. You have no idea of the frustration of being half~way across the bay & discovering the car keys are still sitting on their hook on the wall!
All this is manageable ~ when I am well. When I am well I fuss but I cope. I am not well. Whatever we have in this house involves a raging headache that comes & goes. One or other of us always has it. Me on Monday, Liddy Tuesday, Dearest Sunday, Ditz on Saturday. Now I have it back with our usual very full Wednesday & when that happens I often end up with a full blown migraine. I cannot afford to have migraines this month. I don't have time for them. Did I mention I need to stay focused?
What was it God said about each day having enough troubles of it's own & his grace being sufficient unto the day? I am immensely grateful that somehow, some way, He will work everything out. The money will stretch just enough & no further. The car has been fixed & is running like a dream. Liddy did stock~take this week when I was available to sort out her weird hours & not next week when I'm not here. That when it comes to early starts & late finishes for music Ditz is accommodating & sweet tempered through all difficulties. I am grateful for vitamin B pills. Oh yes! I am very grateful.