Go mbeannai Dia duit.

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Quaker by conviction, mother by default, Celticst through love, Christ follower because I once was lost but now am found...

Friday, December 23, 2011

Dreamer of Dreams.

"But within me the unicorn still remains, a formless shadow in the spaces of my mind." ~ Josephine Bradley

The visionaries in my family marry practical sorts. The practical sorts confuddle me but they have a knack of making dreams a reality.

In my family I am the dreamer.  I am not much interested in reality ~ which is messy & not nearly so pliable as a good imagination.  Which is why I sometimes wonder just what I'm doing in this particular family.

I said to Dearest [to Dearest said I], "I am thinking of doing things a little differently this year & not having Christmas as such..."  because Dearest has never liked Christmas, as you tend not to when your birthday falls on Boxing Day & the world is so over the whole shennanigans nobody is interested in your own particular special day.

And Dearest said, or words to this effect, "Whatever rocks your boat, m'dear." 

I ran it past Dino & got a similar unhelpful response.  What do you do with, "Whatever."?  Star at least had decided opinions but got outvoted.

By inclination & training I am a teacher.  I'm a writer.  I'm a Dreamer.  I am so not detail oriented I can forget important details as irrelevant.  Making something actually happen is not my forte.  I will talk about it till the cows come home.  I will dream about it ad infinitum. I can speculate with the best of them but ask me to actually do something & I get all...well, confuddled.  How does one actually make something happen?

Makes you wonder how I got this far through life, doesn't it.

So changing anything round here entails angst. Lots & lots of angst.  So it has been with our celebrations this year.  My inclination is to teach about~ rather than to do.  The doing comes hard.  Getting my act together to prepare things night after night is almost more than I can manage, not because it is difficult or stressful; it is not, but simply because I have to, well, do something!  Honestly, what a circus.

I seriously wish the practical sorts would run with my dreams & make it all happen ~ but, No.  Even me putting things together so it looks like the men are leading some of the time does not get the men in my life up & moving because in this house I am known as the *Walking Encyclopedia.*  Want to know something no~one ever looks it up.  They ask me first.  And night after night my family has sat round like stuffed fish while we run through the shorter than short program until I thankfully let the conversation roam where it will & I have been thinking what an enormous flop the whole thing has been & wish that I could crawl into my imaginary world & reinvent myself yet again.

One never knows what goes on in another's mind.  Having screwed day 4 right royally I was about ready to pack the whole thing in when Dino turned to me & said, "Well, it will be better next year, now we know what we're doing & we have a whole year to think about it.  It will just continue to grow."  He wants to do this again!

And Dino, my Dino, has had the best insight yet because Day 4, he thought blessing someone else meant the prayer you would pray for them for the following year & he had lovely blessings!  Such a good idea.  I wish I'd thought of it first.  See what I mean?  *sigh*

Then last night, we had a break because Star & I had to spend the day on the mainland to do our regular fruit & veg shop with the milling hordes of Christmas shoppers & I let Star drive....& Dino couldn't be home last night because of work commitments so we will do 2 tonight because he didn't want to be left out....So Dearest turns to me & says how lovely it's been this year & he likes how our special times have been spread out over the week.  He likes how we have had scripture every evening & a time to chat together  ~ not that talking is unusual in this house but getting us all together is not always easy.  He likes the way the emphasis has shifted to focus so much more on Christ.  Well.  I guess I'm gob~smacked.

The jury is still out so far as Star is concerned but being Star she won't say & so long as she gets her Christmas pancakes Christmas Day morning she won't care too much.

Me, I have so much in my head I can't hold it all.  Starting with the fact that when God teaches us He feeds us with something to look at [candles ~ Christ the light of the World], something to eat [fried foods are traditional; oil reminds us of the mirical in the temple, the oil of the Spirit, Christ with us]; something to hear [Scripture ~ & I guess we could do music if I'm better organised next year.] & something to do

And I am blessed by my family who are always willing to travel my dreams with me.


MamaOlive said...

How lovely!

Happy Elf Mom (Christine) said...

I hope it goes well this year and always for you. :)

Julie said...

What a beautiful post, Ganeida. I love your humor, your transparency, your willingness to laugh at yourself a bit. I was so blessed to read this. I'm probably the opposite of you. My dreams are fading and I can only hold on to one: family wholeness and joy. I've been told that I'm such a detail person it's amusing. A woman in church told me long ago that I'm the kind who knows where every little bit of confetti-sized paper on the table is supposed to go, I just have no idea why and when. I'm not the big picture sort. Except when it comes to that one dream. We need visionaries like you to tilt our heads up for a change. God bless you and your thankful for you this season.

trump said...

Merry Christmas folks from Lebanon county's Amish community. Richard

Ganeida said...

MamaO: It was very lovely.

HEM: Thank you. And you also.

Julie: I am so grateful for your interest. Helps keep me on track.

Richard: Hope you had a blessed day. Thank you for visiting.