Go mbeannai Dia duit.

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Quaker by conviction, mother by default, Celticst through love, Christ follower because I once was lost but now am found...

Friday, January 14, 2011

Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the Lord God had made. Genesis3:1

Sometimes I don't like me very much.  I have to live with me ~ & the voices in my head.  I know what goes on in there & there are days it's like living in the middle of the local dump. 

Life was jogging along, rather wet & muddly, but pretty much as usual then one morning, for no discernable reason, I woke up ratty as.  Nothing pleased me.  My house, my cats, my children were all unmitigated nuisances I could have cheerfully wished to the bottom of the deep blue sea.  Deary me!  Does this get included in the "Pick up your cross & follow me" mandate?  I should live on an island.  Ooops.  Already doing that.

And this is where the tire meets the road.  It is easy, relatively, when things are going well & your insides are happy & your feelings line up tidily on the cheerful & happy side of things to apply all those high principles Christ so thoughtfully gave us to live by.  But the flesh is weak.  Given the smidgen of a headache, the least bit of an emotional upset, a tad too little sleep & believe you me my flesh is screaming.  It does not make me happy & I can assure you I do not make others happy either.

So for my family who put up with me anyway & forgive me my sins, thank you.  And for my Lord & saviour who died that one day I might be free of the sin that so easily entangles, for grace & mercy extended I am grateful.  For my cats who don't know I am a weak & flawed human being & love me lavishly I am more than grateful.  I thank God there are new days, new beginings & forgiveness of sins but dear God in heaven, in the New Heaven & the New Earth let there be no talking snakes!


Bonnie said...

Amen to this Sister. All I can hope for is that there are fewer days like these than there were last year or the year before. I find that I catch myself much sooner now and am able to say "is that really how you want to talk to your family" or "is that the memory you want your baby girl to keep?" It helps me. I remain ever so grateful that God does not give up on me. Hugs to you!

Joyfulmum said...

Yes and Amen, I can truly relate to this!

Anonymous said...

Thoughts are with you lovie. Wish I was still up there to offer practical support (eg a working car; Monty's). In the meantime, cuddle the cats and please get out of my head - the snakes have been raving in there lately!


Ganeida said...

Bonnie: I am all good now. ☺ When I get snarly I go away so I'm only a misery to myself. lol

joyfulmum: None of us are perfect ~ despite what my Liddy thinks. ☺

Siano: We have had 3 or 4 dry days so I have been busy, busy, busy but I'm up for a visit from you & Montys any time you want to arrive. ;P
And sweeting, I am not getting in your head; my own is enough of a problem! lol Actually send the cats in. They're usually good for chasing anything that moves!!!

Pen Wilcock said...

:0) hahahaha! I know this territory. Oh, yes. Be of good cheer. It was God who made us human, and we are here to carry each other, not to be the one who does all the carrying.
I had a friend who said "I do my best, and sometimes I get it wrong. And when I do, God forgives me." He went on to say that if he could get it right all the time he would be God, and that isn't possible because God is already God. I found this view on life kinda restful.
God bless your day. I think it is possible you work too hard. In middle age I am finding that just as I get more spacey and more resistant to roles & stereotypes, they seem to hem me in tighter; and, just as I feel I can no longer carry complication and long for total simplicity and peace, responsibilities proliferate and snag and chafe at my soul like overgrown brambles.
But chin up, sunshine. You're doing a good job.

seekingmyLord said...

If I could write as well as she, I think I would have written what Ember did. I have been reminded recently that it only takes the smallest thing, like the bit of a cold, to bring out the worse in me. Love to you.

Ganeida said...

lol Ember. Now I am no longer feeling ratty I am of very good cheer. I wish I had an excuse but I don't. I just had a day when I felt like being bad tempered & I coddeled that rather unsavoury state of affairs. Eeew. I don't like responsibility & you are right; the older I get the more I have. *sigh*

Seeking:Are you better? I have missed you. While you have been flat out for America we have submerged beneath the waves & been resurrected again like Lazarus. lol

seekingmyLord said...

I am feeling better in some ways, still not fully myself, but then I always wonder if that is more of a blessing than not--I am always thinking I could use some improvement. ;) I have missed you too. Soon we shall have a talk.

Julie said...

This post touched my heart today, Ganeida. Thank you.

Sandra said...

You know I don't believe any of this, but what I do know is, you are a worthy person. So I care about you, even if I don't always agree with you. And I don't agree about anything that is not good, as far as you are concerned.

Ganeida said...

Julie. ♥

Sandra: you are very sweet & I love you for it but if you saw me in full flight on one of my *not so nice days* I think you would have to revise your opinion of me. I do get such a chuckle out of our friendship. We couldn't stand further apart at opposite poles but I like you & you like me & we make our world go round. lol How goes your winter & the pins & needles?