GANEIDA'S KNOT.

Go mbeannai Dia duit.

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Quaker by conviction, mother by default, Celticst through love, Christ follower because I once was lost but now am found...

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Do you ever feel inadequate at life?  I mean the world is full of amazing people & me, I can't even fry fish.  Not that I want to learn or anything but there's all the rest of it.  Stuff I reckon I should have figured out by now like how to raise kids to the glory of God.  Heck, just knowing how to raise kids would be good.  People have written books on this stuff & I get google eyed.  I read this stuff & go, Really?  This works?  Then I think about my kids & go, Nah.  Never going to happen. 
It's pathetic, really it is.  Take evangelism.  For someone who talks so much I have never figured this one out.  How do you do it?  I've seen it done.  I've had it done to me & I'm always like, Come again?  What was that all about?  And church.  I am really, really bad at doing church.  I see people heading my way & the spoilt brat inside starts screaming. Nooooooo. Please, please don't talk to me.  Find someone else to pester & I never, ever know what to say to these people.  Maybe it's because I don't do well with small talk.  I'm always a little vague about things like the price of eggs in the fish market on Fridays.  I do slightly better  with things like Happy Easter if the other person copes well with a response about Eostre & the sun symbolism in the Basilica.  I should just respond, Happy Easter & leave it at that, shouldn't I?  So why don't I?

Consequentially I treasure my friendships.  Anyone willing to put up with my idiosyncrasies has a spot in my heart.  So when I noticed my friend's posts were drifting further from Christianity & into Neo~Paganism I didn't say anything.  Not my business.  My liking or not liking her is not dependant on what she believes.  I felt no imperative to point out the error of her ways.  I never noticed Christians ever being able to change anyone's mind for them.  That's the prerogative of the Holy Spirit.  I know she's heard the gospel & so I kept my mouth firmly shut.  Yeah, I know all the arguments ~ but please!  wasted effort to go over old ground.

Then my friend decided to 'fess up.  Not sure why given she's pretty much lost all her Christian friends over this issue.  I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have risked that & it's not like she didn't know where I stand.  Now she has decided I am a good person to discuss religion with & I'm like, Whoa!!!  Are you sure you want to go here with me?  Because I do actually know something about Paganism.  Remember history is my thing but I don't do politics.  If you are into history but not politics what's left is culture & religion.  I do both those.

How did I get here? And now what do I do?  Because there is only one thing I know of that can change my friend's mind: a personal encounter with the Living God; the God of Abraham &  Issac & Jacob.  I can muster all my logic & all my apologetics & all the proofs at my disposal & it will never lead anyone into the Truth.  One touch from the Living God & all that changes.  In an instant.

Some days I feel like a toad who has lost his harrow.  Some days I don't do life well.  Like today. Maybe I'll just go back to bed & have a nice long nap.  Maybe things will look better tomorrow.  Maybe.

20 comments:

Jeanne said...

I had this happen with a friend too. It knocked me for six. I felt like I'd been betrayed. How could she do this to ME?

I'm trying really hard to stay her friend, because I think one day soon she could need a friend, and I'd like it to be me, but I feel sad every time I even think of her.

For what it's worth, I think you do this stuff so much better than I do. And I won't wish you a Happy Easter anytime soon. xxx

Ganeida said...

Jeanne. Thank you...I think. I am pretty flabbergsted that someone so witty & intelligent as yourself thinks I do this well. I just feel majorly inadaquet. I don't have betrayal feelings & I'm actually fairly happy to discuss Paganism *sigh* [I know, too sad making] verses Christianity I just feel that every time I'm letting the side down & make no appreciable difference. Then I get this huge guilt complex that I'm actually driving nails in her coffin which is the most awful feeling! Ugh. Pity I don't drink. I could toss back a shot or 2 on this one!

Jeanne said...

Witty and intelligent. Yeah, sure.

Susan (HomeGrownKids) said...

I love you and I'm sure we are sisters! But I'd probably freak out something terrible if we were to ever meet in real life.

I feel that we are alike in many ways... yet I'm so easily intimidated. Most people don't know that about me, although I don't know why... I don't try to hide it so much.

I can't do small talk either- frustrates me no end.

I also don't do church... just as well we ARE the church, eh? ;)

Ganeida said...

Susan! You are not allowed to freak out if we ever meet because you will do my head in & I shall lose the plot! Why would you freak out BTW?

I am far less secure & more easily intimidated than I think I come across on my blog. I like to write & I feel secure doing that. Take it away & I'm just another lost soul haunting cyberspace.

The HoJo's said...

You have made a huge difference to me, I struggled with the local 'clapping and hugging' churches in Oz, very welcoming but not for me and found a huge amoount of comfort from your thoughts about and attutude to church and meetings. I was thoroughly miserable having been preached at about not 'fellowshipping' enough so was glad to be able to follow suggestioons in your writings to bolster my own rather more feeble efforts. This is me saying thank you by the way

xc

Ganeida said...

Hojos: Um...wow. I am truely humbled. I always think I am just rabbiting on to myself here...How is that cold old hole you've moved to? They don't hug & clap so much as I recall...

Julie said...

You have made a difference in my life too, Ganeida. So very thankful for you....

Ganeida said...

Oh, Julie! Love you too. girl. All compliments gratefully accepted of course.

As an intellectual exercise this is a lot of fun but we are talking about a woman who worries about the eternal fate of TV characters! lol I'm a hopeless case.

Susan (HomeGrownKids) said...

I think I'd freak out because I'd be so intimidated by you.

For over 10 years now, I have often been told that I intimidate people. What? Lil ole me? It makes me laugh. But enough people have said it, so I know they're not just saying it. A good friend even told me that I used to scare the daylights out of her online - until she met me in real life. Then she realised that I wasn't' intimidating at all.

SO I wonder if that's how I'd be with you. I love your thoughts and opinions- and often you're a gal after my own heart. Maybe that's why I'd find it scary, lol.

However, as chicken as I am, I'm also a big girl and would never put off meeting an online friend, if I had such opportunity. So if you're ever down this way... just holler!

Ganeida said...

Susan! lol My husband refers to me as *the marshmallow pushover* & not only my kids, but my kid's friends, know I'm the parent to lean on if you want a favour! I am seriously non~intimidating.

Jeanne now...Now there's a scary lady! ;P

Jeanne said...

Do you really think that? Why?

Ganeida said...

This is really terribly funny. Here's these intelligent, well educated, homeschooling women terrified of each other.

You are so smart & educated & interesting that I can't imagine you would find me any of those things. *shrugs* I am obviously deeply insecure with a huge inferiority complex.

Actually it is probably just the result of only knowing each other on~line & not being sure of how we're coming across to others combined with a great desire to be liked.

Susan (HomeGrownKids) said...

Ssshhh, don't tell Jeanne, but I'm also terribly intimidated by her too!!

Susan (HomeGrownKids) said...

"Actually it is probably just the result of only knowing each other on~line & not being sure of how we're coming across to others combined with a great desire to be liked."

I agree. I worry more about how I'm coming across to others. Not being accepted by others doesn't faze me a bit - if I know. I hate not knowing how people take me.

If you don't care much for me, that's cool - but I'd like to know.

But I don't like coming across a certain way, if it isn't accurate. I relish the opportunity to clarify myself. :)

KWIM?

The HoJo's said...

We are coping with minus 6 degrees!

Happy as mud larks xc

Jeanne said...

Susan!!!!!!

Ganeida said...

Oh Dear, Ladies! I am laughing so hard.

Hojos: only mud larks would be happy with =6 weather. Obviously quite mad but we know what they say about the English....

Susan: I only mind when I like the other person & want to be liked back ~ which is why Jeanne scares me so much.

Jeanne: I'm sorry if Susan has made me feel better at your expense ~ but honestly, I want you to like me & I think I come across as quite flakey sometimes. I'm not really [just don't check that with my household.] I do have quite a strange sense of humour though but I guess you've twigged to that.

Jeanne said...

So glad my pain is making you laugh. Humph.

seekingmyLord said...

I have friends on the fringes of Christianity, some would be considered cults. I do not agree with them, but I understand how their beliefs seem logical to them with the support of selective scriptures. I tend to have very interesting theological conversations that challenge our beliefs on both sides, yet neither one of us feels we will persuade the other to join our own side. I find the relationship both frustrating and fascinating...I just have to have complications in my life obviously!

Our friendship is one that I treasure and I am sorry for being so absent of late.