GANEIDA'S KNOT.

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Quaker by conviction, mother by default, Celticst through love, Christ follower because I once was lost but now am found...

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Quitting


If you are walking with Jesus, in the Spirit, you need not fear going too far. No believer has gone as far as God wants him to go.~ A. A. Allen




 

Surfer's.

With the Indy happening this weekend the place was even more congested than usual.  Not that it made any difference to me.  I concede defeat.  I am not an evangelist, no matter what anointing people seem to think there is on the witness.

I scribbled a couple of verses in the wet sand, realised the tide was coming in not going out, went & sat under a tree on the boardwalk & watched the passing parade...


Which included a barge that had got lost, was inside the shark net, did a 360 & headed back out to sea.  Who knows.

And a street musician.

I'm not usually a quitter.  I usually dig my heels in, stubborn past the point of stupidity ~ & it's not fear because I spent over 1/2 an hour chatting with the lady who took up residence beside me on the bench.  But she was a spirit~filled born again Christian & this is what invariably happens to me!  I hone in on Christians. 

And that's the other thing.  I am not an initiator.  It's not that I dislike people & despite my anti~social tendencies I have been very well trained & always put my book down when someone wants to chat with me.  Nope.

Seriously.  It's scary what goes on in my world.  I always lug a book around.  Yes, I'm a reader but I also travel a lot.  I wait around a lot.  Invariably I fill the empty minutes with printed words.  I do it at school too.  Ten minute breaks are not generally long enough to have a proper conversation.  I can't remember the last time I started a conversation.  But I've always got people coming coming up to chat with me ~ & I get seriously dumped on, which is scariest of all.  What on earth sort of vibes do I give out that invites other people's deep dark secrets?!  I'm not complaining.  I just think it's weird.

It's weird because I understand the anointing.  I preach under the anointing ~ or believe me I'd never get up & say a word in church!  I know what it is to operate in the power & authority of the Holy Spirit.  So where is it when we evangelize?

I know it can't be manafactured.  I know it can't be manipulated.  I know it can't be mimicked.  Theoretically every Christian is anointed to share the gospel.  Theoretically.  I also know there is nothing harder than operating without the anointing ~ & nothing more damaging  to the Gospel.  I'm over it.

I think I have 2 more of these to do next year.  It's school & I have to go out but I'm done.  I give up.  This is one subject that's totally defeated me.

3 comments:

Joyfulmum said...

Hmmm... I can relate lol!

Joluise said...

I've been at home for 4 week and finding the lack of people around me difficult, I need people to chat to otherwise I start feeling isolated and hate that feeling. Whilst doing my own thing, I'm really missing the challenges of my job and I feel very underworked at present. But I have read 5 books and could reach 7 shortly and removed all the weeds from the garden and cleaned my house. I think we are opposites. I would make a not so good stay at home wife due to theisolation as it drives me slighlt mad:(

seekingmyLord said...

You cannot give up because there is one you have not yet met.