Mentors, socialization & the homeschooled child.

Back at the tail end of last year I had the opportunity to chat with a neighbour. We don't have many but we do know them all despite the fact we keep pretty much to ourselves. There are a lot of us so we're a party all on our own.

Our neighbour has known all our kids all their lives & regularly asks after the ones he hasn't seen in a while so when he began telling me what a wonderful daughter I had I assumed, without surprise because it happens a lot, that he was referring to Liddy. He wasn't; he was talking about our Ditz.

Now I know this particular gentleman has a couple of grand~daughters about Ditz's age who visit semi~regularly & I know as there are so few kids round here that Ditz was totally delighted when they first turned up & made friends as fast as possible. She chats with them on MSN. They are Facebook friends; they even Facebooked the dog! I don't think I have ever met these kids properly & I've never yet met either parent but there has never been anything I've considered particularly questionable about the friendship. The girls go to one of the snootier private schools but however secular their world~view it is hardly likely to compete with what Ditz regularly sees & hears backstage despite Alison's best efforts to shield the kids from the worst of it.

I learnt with embarrassment how many of Ditz's more acceptable quirks I take for granted as this distraught grandfather told me how his grand~daughters, who go to such a good school & get the best of everything, barely even acknowledge him, speak only in grunts & are patently bored in his company whereas my Ditz smiles & chats away & remembers what she's been told even months afterwards. I was so sad for him as he told me how wonderful Ditz was & how he wished his grand~daughters were more like her. I was sad & yet I thought how very well they've been institutionalized, trained to adhere only to the peer group, schooled in ignorance towards the older generation. My friend, Seeking, has an excellent post on *upward socialization* & more thoughts on what a different approach homeschooled socialisation takes here.

Having had kids in both the public school & homeschool I know for an absolute fact it is much easier to pass on your values & beliefs when you are not constantly competing with the school. One of the things that shocked me the most when we pulled Liddy out was how rarely she took opportunities, even when they were offered, to socialise with her peers. I know she was very sick as well but there were obvious difficulties coming from a daily situation when she was surrounded by girls her own age to being constantly at home with mummy & a much younger sister but it was quickly apparent she preferred our company & at one point bluntly informed me Ditz was better company & more sensible than her own friends. Given Ditz's nick~name the old mind really boggles.

We tried to compensate because Liddy was pretty reserved back in the days. We dragged my hyperactive, sporty child along to Ditz's art classes & music classes, to bible studies & drama & something wonderful began to happen. Liddy blossomed. It took about 12 months in all but the adults were so thrilled to have the young people join them & be willing to engage they bent over backwards to include them. Ditz, who knew no better, simply took this as her right & due. Liddy didn't but she gradually began to open up. By the time she left school Liddy was this cheerful, forthright, engaging young person who attracted people with her very presence & the beauty of her smile. Not that she's perfect but the homeschooling allowed her to take risks about the sort of person she wanted to grow into without the fear of peer persecution & ridicule.

Who Liddy wanted to be was a soccer missionary to street kids. It has been the desire of her heart for more than 10 years. I have watched her batter it out with God. I have watched God let her exhaust herself battering against Him stubbornly until she cedes to His will but the dream is the one He has placed on her heart & she has never wavered.

Liddy was homeschooled & her love language is quality time. Just spending time with Liddy was never going to satisfy her. She wanted, & expected, better of me than that. I'm a head person so this was exhausting. What evolved was a relationship where a lot of D&M chatting goes on & Liddy has taken that into other areas of her life. Nearly all her church friendships, both on the island & off~island, are the same. As Liddy started to grow deeper spiritually many of our D&Ms were on the things of God ~ & because nearly all her deep friendships are Christian ones, she then bounced those ideas of others. What has happened is a network of Godly friendships with older people as well as her peers, that pray for Liddy daily, who hold her accountable, who support her & share with her but until she went to Melbourne I don't think she'd even heard the term *mentor* before. Asked if she had a mentor Liddy said no ~ & that is true. She doesn't; but she does have many mentors by whatever name she chooses to call them.

As we traverse this no~man's land between leaving the workforce & entering full~time misson I can only marvel at how God has, & is, preparing my daughter for a lifetime of service. The soccer is obvious, but the island, which so many seem to see as a drawback, has been a mission field forever & Liddy knows exactly what it is like to go against the flow of a culture & to stand up for God when those around you only know him as a swear word & a myth. God has even brought Christians into her life who have opposed her calling, don't understand the imperative urging of the Holy Spirit that will not, & cannot, be gainsayed, or think she is too young, too inexperienced, too naive. Liddy is a lot of things; none of those apply. No one amongst us knows the hour or the day when Liddy will finally go to Chile but the consensus amongst those of us who know Liddy really, really well & have held her in prayer for these many years are of one mind in Christ: she will go, sooner rather than later. I also feel God has been preparing my heart to accept that He will do great things for His glory through my girl. To those to whom much is given, much is expected & she can expect to be refined by fire & tempered as steel that she may be a fitting tool for the Master's hand.