Just Breathing....

When the Lord gave me the hurry up regarding bible school I asked, as you do you know, why I was going.  And I got told.  As you do.  It was one of those unmistakable moments when the Spirit's voice is so clear there is no mistaking & what I got told was *Preaching & Teaching.*  Duh.

I have been pretty quiet about it at school, mostly because there seems to be a bit of snobbery about who is doing what after school & I'm not into that.  People do what they are called to do.  Same Spirit, different gifts.  No call to be elitist about these things.  Besides,  I twigged pretty quickly what I needed to learn & I was waaay out of my comfort zone because I am academically inclined & God was saying in no uncertain terms ~ practical application! Ouch.

I have squirmed.  I have wriggled.  I have huffed & I have puffed.  I have wept & sobbed & begged.  I have come close to walking out & never going back because the one thing I have not got from school is affirmation & the one thing I have really needed is to feel validated; that I was on track; that God did indeed have it all in hand.

And it was all so different to what I was used to.  It was noisy ~ & I was used to hearing from God in the silence.  I have learnt.  The first time I saw Patsy preach I knew without a doubt this was how I was to learn to preach.  Ditch the notes [oh.my!] Ditch the security of the pulpit that so kindly hides shaking knees. [Really?]  Ditch the carefully thought out sermon I constructed like a well planned essay.  [Noooooooo.......]  Ok.  Ok.  There was a reason I did drama in uni.... As my Star is wont to tell me, Just breath, mother....

The one thing school has taught me is how much I don't know.  The amount of information coming in hard & fast is just hugely overwhelming.  I can do the academics but the practical has left me reeling. And what little confidence I began with was quickly eroded by the street witness.  Everyone ~ & I do mean everyone ~ is better at that than I am.

Now what school really emphasizes is hearing from the Spirit yourself & following the promptings.  I thought I was ok at that.  Not brilliant or anything but I thought I did ok ~ only being school I kept getting told this that & the other thing which had the lovely effect of confusing me no end until I didn't know whether I was Arthur or Martha, up, down or inside out.

And then....then....God starting lobbing me the curved balls.  I preached. Once.  On the island. I heard clearly from the Holy Spirit.  And it was good.  I preached on the Holy Spirit.  I knew my stuff so well I was preaching in my sleep for weeks beforehand.  Lucky Dearest. And I prayed for people.  I sensed the anointing but confident I was not.  Oh, I think I came across as confident but none of that was me.  

Today I did the Thought for the Day ~ short, pithy, to the point. Psalm 23:4 ~ & the visiting preacher was rapt!  My thoughts tied in neatly with his comments & I got validation. Whew. I have 2 more spots coming up in the next month.  I know I have been moving in the Spirit.  Everything that just won't come together for me with the street witness has been for the preaching.  It should be enough but I am human enough to need telling that I'm doing ok. That I'm on track.  That what I sense in the Spirit is indeed spot on.

I'm only halfway through school.  Dino, who is almost done, is not getting the same sort of opportunities I am.  Most people are in their last term before they get any sense of the direction the Lord wants to take them ~ & here I am juggling assignments with preaching & trying hard not to let school stuff interfere with the Spirit's leading & stay sorta sane in the process.

To say nothing of the other stuff  going on in my prayer life that is doing my head in & a ramble for another post.