When the Lord gave me the hurry up regarding bible school I asked, as you do you know, why I was going. And I got told. As you do. It was one of those unmistakable moments when the Spirit's voice is so clear there is no mistaking & what I got told was *Preaching & Teaching.* Duh.
I have been pretty quiet about it at school, mostly because there seems to be a bit of snobbery about who is doing what after school & I'm not into that. People do what they are called to do. Same Spirit, different gifts. No call to be elitist about these things. Besides, I twigged pretty quickly what I needed to learn & I was waaay out of my comfort zone because I am academically inclined & God was saying in no uncertain terms ~ practical application! Ouch.
I have squirmed. I have wriggled. I have huffed & I have puffed. I have wept & sobbed & begged. I have come close to walking out & never going back because the one thing I have not got from school is affirmation & the one thing I have really needed is to feel validated; that I was on track; that God did indeed have it all in hand.
And it was all so different to what I was used to. It was noisy ~ & I was used to hearing from God in the silence. I have learnt. The first time I saw Patsy preach I knew without a doubt this was how I was to learn to preach. Ditch the notes [oh.my!] Ditch the security of the pulpit that so kindly hides shaking knees. [Really?] Ditch the carefully thought out sermon I constructed like a well planned essay. [Noooooooo.......] Ok. Ok. There was a reason I did drama in uni.... As my Star is wont to tell me, Just breath, mother....
The one thing school has taught me is how much I don't know. The amount of information coming in hard & fast is just hugely overwhelming. I can do the academics but the practical has left me reeling. And what little confidence I began with was quickly eroded by the street witness. Everyone ~ & I do mean everyone ~ is better at that than I am.
Now what school really emphasizes is hearing from the Spirit yourself & following the promptings. I thought I was ok at that. Not brilliant or anything but I thought I did ok ~ only being school I kept getting told this that & the other thing which had the lovely effect of confusing me no end until I didn't know whether I was Arthur or Martha, up, down or inside out.
And then....then....God starting lobbing me the curved balls. I preached. Once. On the island. I heard clearly from the Holy Spirit. And it was good. I preached on the Holy Spirit. I knew my stuff so well I was preaching in my sleep for weeks beforehand. Lucky Dearest. And I prayed for people. I sensed the anointing but confident I was not. Oh, I think I came across as confident but none of that was me.
Today I did the Thought for the Day ~ short, pithy, to the point. Psalm 23:4 ~ & the visiting preacher was rapt! My thoughts tied in neatly with his comments & I got validation. Whew. I have 2 more spots coming up in the next month. I know I have been moving in the Spirit. Everything that just won't come together for me with the street witness has been for the preaching. It should be enough but I am human enough to need telling that I'm doing ok. That I'm on track. That what I sense in the Spirit is indeed spot on.
I'm only halfway through school. Dino, who is almost done, is not getting the same sort of opportunities I am. Most people are in their last term before they get any sense of the direction the Lord wants to take them ~ & here I am juggling assignments with preaching & trying hard not to let school stuff interfere with the Spirit's leading & stay sorta sane in the process.
To say nothing of the other stuff going on in my prayer life that is doing my head in & a ramble for another post.