Go mbeannai Dia duit.

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Quaker by conviction, mother by default, Celticst through love, Christ follower because I once was lost but now am found...

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Regurgitation is a fact of the Spiritual Life.

When peace like a river, attendeth my way,

When sorrows like sea billows roll;

Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,

It is well, it is well, with my soul ~ Horatio Spafford
I was saying to Dearest just yesterday that this is the first time I've had time to begin to process what I'm going through at school.  A lot is being shovelled in; not a whole lot has been coming back out.  I am aware of a great inner wrenching but just what is being wrenched I am not exactly sure.
And taking time to breathe, because the whole idea of going back to school was so not my idea & if it had been Bible School is not what I would have chosen [I was thinking more archaeology/anthropology/PDH in Lit lol] my carnal woman is over it!  Too sad making I know.  Seriously, there I was looking down the barrel of the end of 13 years plus of homeschool, nearly 30 of parenting & I was making plans, you know: that trip back to Scotland....the book that's been on hold how many years now?...Visiting the girl in Santiago before she arrives back home.  No, I did not consult the Lord about any of this.  I was just minding my own business & living my life.  I was.  I am not the ambitious sort.  I was supremely happy dabbling in my little duck pond out of the mainstream.  Come on, Ladies!  I can not be the only one.  Tell me it is not so!
Dearest nick~named me The Ostrich a long time ago for my habit of sticking my head in the sand & ignoring unpleasantnesses.  If I don't want to know about it I am very good at not knowing it's there ~ no matter who is speaking to me!  And God was trying very hard to get my attention while I was very busily assuming He was not talking to ME!  Three times [3!] complete strangers approached me at church & asked why I wasn't in bible school.  I had a list of reasons longer than my arm why not, starting with, But I don't want to be.  And when I did get around to asking it was like being slapped up the side of the head to a resounding: Halleluja!  Finally!  Now get your butt moving! Oh. My.
And in a way I am still dragging my feet.  Wouldn't it be nice if the Holy Spirit would just over~ride our natural inclinactions to be difficult?  But He doesn't. *sigh* In my head I'm still protesting.  There's that nice Quaker school He could have sent me to instead...Or maybe just a supernatural empowering.  I'm good with that.  See, Brave I am not. I asked, silly me! what I was doing in school & I got told.  Oh, yes, indeed!
God does my head in ~ & I'm sure He rolls those heavely eyes with a What are we going to do with you? look.  One of the things He told me was that I would go to the nations.  Not that the nations would come to me, but that I would go to them.  And I did a Sarah.  I laughed.  I live on a tiny little island, 17 ks long, 3 wide, population maybe 3 ooo when the tide's in on a summer's day. And when I say money is tight in this house think pinched tight.
The Lord can be as clear as a bell when He wants to be & when He wants me moving He makes sure I've heard loud & clear & the inner compulsion is such that disobeying becomes something of an impossibility.  Which is how I know the Lord has no problem with women in the pulpit regardless of man's ideas.  So I did Abraham & I had the strangest feeling this message was for my old church ~ which I no longer attend, & who no longer ask me to preach there.  Anyway I put it up & had the feeling that I should toddle down the road to said church on Sunday ~ I thought because they support Liddy & I do still speak to everyone; I just don't fellowship there.
There has been a change of leadership, which is a very good thing, & the Spirit was moving very gently.  I was happily vegging in my seat having enjoyed the old hymns & prepared to listen to whomever was preaching when someone got up & began to read something they'd downloaded from the web.  With a shock I realised I was listening to my own words getting preached back at me!  It was as if the Lord said, I told you it would go out to the nations.
So here I am.  I have things I know I need to talk to the Lord about; clarification I need; Answers...& I do not want to do it.  I didn't like what I got told last time.  I am even less likely to like it this time.  And I know I have to do it.  The reason the Lord is making sure all this stuff goes in is so that it can come out again.  He has a purpose in mind.  That it cuts completely across the grain of what I might like to do is beside the point.  That is the deal because He is the Lord.  A term we neither understand ~ or particularly like  ~ in this modern world but if He is Lord I really am not my own.  I am still getting over myself.  My flesh is screaming.  My inner woman is not.  Girding my loins for the fray now...


loving, laughing and learning said...

Wouldn't it be nice if the Holy Spirit would just over~ride our natural inclinactions to be difficult?  I can so understand this in my own life, I keep catching myself thinking it would be nice if my free will could disappear for abit and the Lords will forcibly take over so I wouldn't have to decide or be responsible :). Goodluck sorting it all out.

Ruby said...

Hello Ganeida, Whenever I feel that my rollercoaster life is spinning out of control, I only need to pop over and read one of these head spinning posts to get me back on track!
So glad that we all agree, Our God is sovereign and in control!

Joyfulmum said...

I am so introverted and naturally shy but God has made me do things I never envisaged doing:) you can and will do it in His time by His grace and because of His calling and your obedience. I know that because I've gotten to know you a little by reading your blog :) btw that message on Abraham was great! I'd never seen that connection to God sacrificing His son in that light before! Powerful!

seekingmyLord said...

"With a shock I realised I was listening to my own words getting preached back at me!"

Your own words?

Deborah said...

LOL - I nearly choked on my coffee one day in a womens meeting when I heard some advice that I gave come back to all the ladies from the speaker at the front. I did NOT know she was going to use what I had said, so it caught me by total surprise.

I am interested to see how your journey unfolds. :o)